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milking the business! lol - Posted on 2006-12-06 08:32:08

darcey
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Joined:
Friday, October 29, 2004
Posts: 3114
Location:
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Economic Models explained with cows SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away... TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead. ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull. THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them. A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market it worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the journalist who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the shit out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy. HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank. Then you execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder. He sells the rights to all 7 cows' milk back to the listed company, and proceeds from the sale are deferred. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng shui is bad. WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers.

Replies


	milking the business! lol - Posted on 2006-12-06 08:48:09
Roeby 1300cc Superstar Joined: Posts: 8884 Location: Derbyshire United Kingdom	fabulous!!!!! made me laugh lol

	milking the business! lol - Posted on 2006-12-06 10:33:55
gfisher 1300cc Superstar Joined: Tuesday, November 02, 2004 Posts: 2725 Location: Glasgow United Kingdom	pmsl

	milking the business! lol - Posted on 2006-12-06 11:09:00
suzuki_goddess 1300cc Superstar Joined: Tuesday, March 15, 2005 Posts: 2318 Location: Jersey United Kingdom	very good!

	milking the business! lol - Posted on 2006-12-06 13:35:54
The_Reverend 1300cc Superstar Joined: Wednesday, February 16, 2005 Posts: 1078 Location: Coventry: Why? United Kingdom	Giggle

	milking the business! lol - Posted on 2006-12-06 14:32:02
ana 1300cc Superstar Joined: Monday, February 20, 2006 Posts: 1299 Location: colchester United Kingdom	he he good one

	milking the business! lol - Posted on 2006-12-06 18:58:48
r1froog 1300cc Superstar Joined: Sunday, October 02, 2005 Posts: 4352 Location: aberdeen United Kingdom	hey daywalker,that was a peach,,,who the fcuk thot that one up?

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