loz 1300cc Superstar
Joined:
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Posts: 1628
Location:
Fife
United Kingdom
these are seemingly extracts of real uni science finals!
To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.
A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat
Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about
Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.
A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.
We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and study of rocks.
If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul.
.
It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind.
Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human branes have more convulsions.
For fainting: rub the person's chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead.
For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.
For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body
For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock.
For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.
When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ did long ago in wintertime.
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Replies
hehehehe - Posted on 2006-10-10 09:19:11
The_Reverend 1300cc Superstar
Joined:
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Posts: 1078
Location:
Coventry: Why?
United Kingdom
Yeah, they all seem OK.
What's your point?
hehehehe - Posted on 2006-10-10 13:17:48
bear 1300cc Superstar
Joined:
Friday, October 29, 2004
Posts: 5790
Location:
cumbria
United Kingdom
the one about fractures reminds me of when i broke my leg many years ago.... a young doctor decided to demonstrate in an attempt to impress a couple of young nurses how he knew my femur was broken. He grasped my leg above and below the break and then jiggled the leg about (he assumed i was unconcious) now believe me this jiggling hurt...............a lot..... apparently i sat up and chinned the halfwit and he flew backwards across casualty. i have no recolection of the incident but one of the nurses present came up to the ward and told me all about it... she also said she had never heard anyone swear so much in a sentance without repeating themselves... ho hum. oh and the two young nurses were not impressed at the docs prowess and laughed their asses off at him. He was asked if he wanted to press charges by the plod but he declined (must have figured he had been humiliated enough.)
hehehehe - Posted on 2006-10-09 19:03:54
hehehehe - Posted on 2006-10-10 09:19:11
