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I enjoyed these tautologies - Posted on 2006-08-20 06:14:02

The_Drifter
1300cc Superstar

Joined:
Monday, January 24, 2005
Posts: 967
Location:
Harare
Zimbabwe

I am not sure if I spelled tautologies (fancy word for the universal truths) correctly but please read below and you may find that these are truths for you. Some of these I am sure you have heard before, but maybe there is a new one in there somewhere.... Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners...... 1. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 2. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church. 3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 4. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home. ***DINING OUT *** 1. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs. ***ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME *** 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are. ***PERSONAL HYGIENE *** 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money. ***DATING (Outside the Family) *** 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago." 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. 4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, "ya sure don't sweat much for a fat girl." ***WEDDINGS *** 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift. 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot. 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance. 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion. ***DRIVING ETIQUETTE *** 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight. 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. 5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving. 6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession. ***TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER*** 1. All the DNA is the same. 2. There are no dental records.

Replies


	I enjoyed these tautologies - Posted on 2006-08-20 08:11:41
kamikazibikerbabe 1300cc Superstar Joined: Monday, January 23, 2006 Posts: 549 Location: nottinghamshire United Kingdom	pmsl first time i have seen them lol

	I enjoyed these tautologies - Posted on 2006-08-20 08:16:51
dub 1300cc Superstar Joined: Friday, September 16, 2005 Posts: 603 Location: . United Kingdom	Quality !

	I enjoyed these tautologies - Posted on 2006-08-20 08:34:04
ana 1300cc Superstar Joined: Monday, February 20, 2006 Posts: 1299 Location: colchester United Kingdom	good ones drifter, never seen them pmsl

	I enjoyed these tautologies - Posted on 2006-08-20 10:25:59
daisyduke 1300cc Superstar Joined: Saturday, February 04, 2006 Posts: 4574 Location: Bolton United Kingdom	pmsl drifter, seen some but not all lol

	I enjoyed these tautologies - Posted on 2006-08-20 12:09:46
the_ox 1300cc Superstar Joined: Saturday, October 30, 2004 Posts: 8803 Location: London United Kingdom	Yep some new uns in there well done!

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