....too foocking right...lol - Posted on 2006-02-24 08:16:29
darcey 1300cc Superstar
Joined:
Friday, October 29, 2004
Posts: 3114
Location:
Lincolnshire
United Kingdom
Someone sent this to me thought you may like to 'share'
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I
endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his
presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed
to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire
salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only
eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity,
and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the
inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and
letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal,
overcharging, prerecorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh and blood
person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter
no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check,
addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank
whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other
person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application
Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete.
I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much
about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her
financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be
accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which
he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have
modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my
account balance on your phone bank service.
As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level
the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as follows:
1. To make an appointment to see me
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home
7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is
required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the
Authorized Contact.
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be
put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music
will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client
Replies
....too foocking right...lol - Posted on 2006-02-24 08:24:36
Roeby 1300cc Superstar
Joined:
Posts: 8884
Location:
Derbyshire
United Kingdom
brilliant absolutly brilliant pmsl
oh and hi btw darcey xxx
....too foocking right...lol - Posted on 2006-02-24 08:35:27
darcey 1300cc Superstar
Joined:
Friday, October 29, 2004
Posts: 3114
Location:
Lincolnshire
United Kingdom
hi Roeby.. I.will catch up with you v soon...about a quarter of the way through my 'crapness' ..When peace comes I will make loud music hun! lol tc
....too foocking right...lol - Posted on 2006-02-24 09:17:03
daisyduke 1300cc Superstar
Joined:
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Posts: 4574
Location:
Bolton
United Kingdom
very good, and oh so true
....too foocking right...lol - Posted on 2006-02-24 10:44:45
kamikazibikerbabe 1300cc Superstar
Joined:
Monday, January 23, 2006
Posts: 549
Location:
nottinghamshire
United Kingdom
excellent pmsl
....too foocking right...lol - Posted on 2006-02-24 10:47:25
suzuki_goddess 1300cc Superstar
Joined:
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Posts: 2318
Location:
Jersey
United Kingdom
love it! am circulating round work!
....too foocking right...lol - Posted on 2006-02-24 11:01:08
Black_Sabbath 1000cc Pro Racer
Joined:
Friday, November 26, 2004
Posts: 245
Location:
Washington!
United Kingdom
hahaha i like it man!
....too foocking right...lol - Posted on 2006-02-24 13:57:25
rhona1975 1300cc Superstar
Joined:
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Posts: 984
Location:
london
United Kingdom
Would love to see folk put this into practice! Excellent, lmao
....too foocking right...lol - Posted on 2006-02-24 14:39:59
bear 1300cc Superstar
Joined:
Friday, October 29, 2004
Posts: 5790
Location:
cumbria
United Kingdom
if only the customer could get away with it! it would be the end of bank charges.
....too foocking right...lol - Posted on 2006-02-24 15:24:11
rev_ 1300cc Superstar
Joined:
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Posts: 3068
Location:
Coventry
United Kingdom
nice one....if only?
....too foocking right...lol - Posted on 2006-02-24 20:03:43
sublime 1000cc Pro Racer
Joined:
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Posts: 217
Location:
penrith
United Kingdom
must try this with my feckin bank!! oh if only i could get away with it.....plus might look a bit fishy when i deposit my 50 million pmsl
....too foocking right...lol - Posted on 2006-02-24 20:07:56
r1froog 1300cc Superstar
Joined:
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Posts: 4352
Location:
aberdeen
United Kingdom
....too foocking right...lol - Posted on 2006-02-24 08:16:29
....too foocking right...lol - Posted on 2006-02-24 11:01:08
