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Please no debate...just read and laugh.......: ) - Posted on 2007-07-21 20:28:34

Ducatibird
1300cc Superstar

Joined:
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Posts: 999
Location:
Nottingham
United Kingdom

Actual court recordings

These are from a book called Disorder in the American
Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word,
taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

___________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example! of
some thing you forgot?

_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said
to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you ***FILTERED WORD*** t'in me?

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you ***FILTERED WORD*** t'in me? Your Honor, I think I
need a different attorney. Can I get a new Attorney?

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated
it?

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a
beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.

_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead
people. Would you like to rephrase that?

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What
school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering
why I was doing an autopsy on him!

____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient
was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still
been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
alive and practicing law.

--

Wasn't me honest I never did it

Replies


	Please no debate...just read and laugh.......: ) - Posted on 2007-07-21 20:43:04
the_ox 1300cc Superstar Joined: Saturday, October 30, 2004 Posts: 8803 Location: London United Kingdom	Repeat Police alert. I posted that 100 000 000 times after the 245 nTH person did. But i love it cheers -- Try being truthful, its the thing to do

	Please no debate...just read and laugh.......: ) - Posted on 2007-07-21 20:49:45
Ducatibird 1300cc Superstar Joined: Wednesday, February 02, 2005 Posts: 999 Location: Nottingham United Kingdom	i don't care if you have heard it before thought the place needed lightning up a bit.......... Oh ox hunny tis a joke that bit up there you know mmwwwuuhhhhhhhh -- Wasn't me honest I never did it

	Please no debate...just read and laugh.......: ) - Posted on 2007-07-21 21:20:15
the_ox 1300cc Superstar Joined: Saturday, October 30, 2004 Posts: 8803 Location: London United Kingdom	Muaaaaaaaaaaaaaah xxxxxxxxxxxx hun i know Why i said i loved it xxxxxxx sod it xxxxxxxxxx -- Try being truthful, its the thing to do

	Please no debate...just read and laugh.......: ) - Posted on 2007-07-21 22:13:34
spacie 1000cc Pro Racer Joined: Tuesday, January 24, 2006 Posts: 238 Location: Ipswich United Kingdom	LOL... have read em all before... but was nice to read em again!!! -- Lead me not into temptation...I am capable of getting there myself.

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