some fun. we need it. - Posted on 2007-05-14 16:09:14
gfisher 1300cc Superstar
Joined:
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Posts: 2725
Location:
Glasgow
United Kingdom
Leroy from Port Antonio always wanted to look cool. His friend told him that he needed a good designer pair of trainers to go with his shellsuit.
Leroy saved up all his pay slips and all the money he got back from returning his empty bottles of Red Stripe and finally managed to get himself a pair of brilliant white trainers to go with his shellsuit.
Proudly, he strutted down the street calling out to all the passers by "See mi new trainaz dem? Cool, eeh?"
One fine upstanding gentleman pointed out that they were indeed a fine pair of trainers but was young Leroy aware that he had a lace undone?
Leroy scornfully retorted that it was part of being cool to have a trailing lace, and that on the bottom of the trainer there were instructions for the wearer to only have one lace tied.
When asked for proof of this instruction, Leroy took off his trainer and held it upside down for the disbeliever to read.
"Seet deer! Hit seh.....
Wait for it
"TAIWAN"
A teenager comes home from school and asks his dad, "What's the difference between potential and reality?"
His Dad says, "I'll show you. Ask your mum whether she'd sleep with Jose Mourinho for a million pounds. Then ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds."
So the kid asks his Mum, "Would you sleep with Jose Mourinho for a million pounds?" His Mum says, "Don't tell your father, but yes, I would."
Then he asks his sister, "For a million pounds would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" She said, "Too right I would!"
The kid goes back to his Dad and says I still don't understand.
His Dad explains: "It's like this...potentially we're sitting on a couple of millions pounds - but in reality we're living with a couple of slags."
One for the ladies.......
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious what he was entering by stating each letter out loud as he typed
P....
E....
N....
I....
S....
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
*** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH ***
I was in ASDA the other day buying a large bag of Pedigree for my dog, and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh!
I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Pedigree Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.
Her eyes about bugged out of her head.
I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she totally believed it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or handbag with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.
Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.
I said "No..... I was sitting in the street licking my bum when a car hit me".
Why Men Have Better Friends
Friendship between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.
The iBreast will cost £499 to £599.
This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them
Replies
some fun. we need it. - Posted on 2007-05-14 20:30:11
r1froog 1300cc Superstar
Joined:
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Posts: 4352
Location:
aberdeen
United Kingdom
see men always stick together....nice one goldy.
some fun. we need it. - Posted on 2007-05-14 20:34:59
franonacbr 1100cc Pro Racer
Joined:
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Posts: 399
Location:
beccles
United Kingdom
some fun. we need it. - Posted on 2007-05-14 16:09:14
