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New maths exam - Posted on 2007-04-18 17:19:37

the_ox
1300cc Superstar

Joined:
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Posts: 8803
Location:
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United Kingdom

For the unaware, there is a slight difference between private schools and comprehensives in Britain. The Department of Education has realised this and has revised the secondary Maths Exam papers accordingly. Attached are the most recent maths exam papers for your reference. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MATHS TEST FOR COMPREHENSIVES Name _____________________________ Nickname__________________________ Gang Name________________________ 1. Simon has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Matt for 300 quid and 90 grams to Ollie for 90 quid, what is the street value of the rest of his hold? 2. Damon pimps 3 bitches. If the price is GBP40 a ride, how many jobs per day must each bitch perform to support Damon's GBP500 a day coke habit? 3. Crackster wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 quid to make a 20% profit. How many grams of Strychnine will he need? 4. Trev got 6 years for murder. He also got GBP350,000 for the hit. If his common law wife spends GBP33,100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out? Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Trev get for killing the slapper that spent his money? 5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square metres and the average letter is 1 square metre, how many letters can be sprayed with eight fluid ounce cans of spray paint with 20% extra paint free ? 6. Liam steals Jordan's skateboard. As Liam skates away at a speed of 35mph, Jordan loads his brother's Armalite. If it takes Jordan 20 seconds to load the gun, how far will Liam have travelled when he gets whacked? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MATHS TEST FOR PRIVATE SCHOOLS Name___________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________ (If longer please continue on a separate sheet) School _______________________________________________ Daddy's/Mummy's Company ____________________________ 1. Harry smashes up the old man's car, causing x amount of damage and killing 3 people. The old man asks his local Chief Constable to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of y. The difference between x and y is three times the life insurance settlement for the three dead people. What kind of car is Harry driving now? 2. Fiona's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Fiona doesn't even notice the difference. Is she thick or what? 3. Tristram fancies the ass off a certain number of debutants, but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14 tablets of Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two thirds? 4. If Verity throws up 4 times a day for a week she can fit into a size 8 Versace. If she only throws up 3 times a day for two weeks, she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce & Gabbana. How much does liposuction cost? 5. Henry is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners. However he only has access to the Hoover every third week. When will he stand for parliament?

Replies


	New maths exam - Posted on 2007-04-18 18:37:19
Roeby 1300cc Superstar Joined: Posts: 8884 Location: Derbyshire United Kingdom	pmsl i couldn't answer the comp ones but i knew all the answers to the others lol

	New maths exam - Posted on 2007-04-18 18:39:06
r1froog 1300cc Superstar Joined: Sunday, October 02, 2005 Posts: 4352 Location: aberdeen United Kingdom	your totally mad,,,,lol

	New maths exam - Posted on 2007-04-19 11:42:04
big_jock 50cc Newbie Joined: Tuesday, June 28, 2005 Posts: 6 Location: Aberdeen United Kingdom	Phnarr phanrr, i've seen this before in a Glasgow vs. Edinburgh guise. Very funny though and maybe more true than you might imagine!

	New maths exam - Posted on 2007-04-19 12:08:53
ohsomadeddie 1300cc Superstar Joined: Monday, June 27, 2005 Posts: 705 Location: bottom of a newki broon bottle United Kingdom	thats brill mate pmsl

	New maths exam - Posted on 2007-04-19 12:57:01
daisyduke 1300cc Superstar Joined: Saturday, February 04, 2006 Posts: 4574 Location: Bolton United Kingdom	pmsl i couldnt answer any lol, lol

	New maths exam - Posted on 2007-04-19 13:41:41
bubblesloves69 1300cc Superstar Joined: Wednesday, November 03, 2004 Posts: 1352 Location: Next door to a pub in an interbred village, Kent United Kingdom	pmsl That reminded me of your boys telling those jokes at Scunjee's ox pmsl

	New maths exam - Posted on 2007-04-19 18:02:37
the_ox 1300cc Superstar Joined: Saturday, October 30, 2004 Posts: 8803 Location: London United Kingdom	Shusss bubs, he`l want an encore!

	New maths exam - Posted on 2007-04-19 22:30:15
fredcbr6uk 1300cc Superstar Joined: Saturday, July 08, 2006 Posts: 513 Location: beccles United Kingdom	just how true is this in some areas

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