View forum thread

Welcome Visitor, Please Login, you have 0 new personal messages

OIL CHANGE , sounds right for a kiwi bloke - Posted on 2007-02-18 10:37:28

savage_riden_kiwi
1100cc Pro Racer

Joined:
Monday, November 08, 2004
Posts: 321
Location:
Hamilton
New Zealand

Oil Change instructions for Women: 1) Pull up to Ultra Tune after driving 10,000 kms since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money Spent: Oil Change $55.00 Coffee $2.50 Total $57.50 Oil Change instructions for Men: 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for $95.00. 2) Stop by Liquorland and buy a case of beer, write a cheque for $30.00, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 9/16 combination spanner. 9) Give up and use pliers. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil - splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Swear. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up, crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trashcan to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 17) A mate shows up - finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work. 18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it to recycle. 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18. 20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday. 21) Walk to Liquorland buy beer. 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 23) Dump first Litre of fresh oil into engine. 24) Remember drain plug from step 11. 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the backyard along with drain plug. 27) Drink beer. 28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily patch of ground. Wash drain plug in lawn mower fuel. 29) Discover that first litre of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 30) Drink beer. 31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid pliers tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. 32) Bang head on floor pan in reaction to step 31. 33) Begin swearing fit. 34) Throw stupid pliers. 35) Swear for additional 10 minutes because pliers hit Miss August 36) Beer. 37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 38) Beer. 39) Beer. 40) Dump in five fresh litres of oil. 41) Beer. 42) Lower car from jack stands. 43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during (steps 23-43.) 45) Beer 46) Test drive car. 47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 48) Car gets impounded. 49) Call loving wife, make bail. 50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money spent: Parts $95.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $60.00 Total-- $4230.00 But! At least you know the job was done and you know the job was done right!!!

Replies


	OIL CHANGE , sounds right for a kiwi bloke - Posted on 2007-02-18 10:53:16
gfisher 1300cc Superstar Joined: Tuesday, November 02, 2004 Posts: 2725 Location: Glasgow United Kingdom	sounds about right for a good weeekend

	OIL CHANGE , sounds right for a kiwi bloke - Posted on 2007-02-18 10:55:04
savage_riden_kiwi 1100cc Pro Racer Joined: Monday, November 08, 2004 Posts: 321 Location: Hamilton New Zealand	only if i cant ride , and im sitting in the shade drinking beers too lmao

	OIL CHANGE , sounds right for a kiwi bloke - Posted on 2007-02-18 10:56:55
savage_riden_kiwi 1100cc Pro Racer Joined: Monday, November 08, 2004 Posts: 321 Location: Hamilton New Zealand	IF FACT,,, id even do the trips to the liqure store heheheee

	OIL CHANGE , sounds right for a kiwi bloke - Posted on 2007-02-18 10:57:49
gfisher 1300cc Superstar Joined: Tuesday, November 02, 2004 Posts: 2725 Location: Glasgow United Kingdom	at last a woman who understands that a job which should only take 2 mins can sometimes take a little longer

	OIL CHANGE , sounds right for a kiwi bloke - Posted on 2007-02-18 12:41:44
r1froog 1300cc Superstar Joined: Sunday, October 02, 2005 Posts: 4352 Location: aberdeen United Kingdom	so did he lose his licence or wat?

	OIL CHANGE , sounds right for a kiwi bloke - Posted on 2007-02-18 12:43:30
savage_riden_kiwi 1100cc Pro Racer Joined: Monday, November 08, 2004 Posts: 321 Location: Hamilton New Zealand	one would think so, lol maqby they just took his car off him and slapped him on the wrist , lol has being known to happen

Hosted by